So I heard there are rumors and drama streaming along my sidewalks. Get this straight everyone. I don't know what you're hearing and thinking. But you don't even know me and you're just eating the shit people tell you. If you have the nerve for truth, come to my face and ask me what the hell is going on. Cause I don't know myself. People keep talking shit but I don't even know what the hell did I do to any of you. Have some nerve. Stop blogging about me and spreading shit unless you want it done to you. Don't get me wrong. I'm loving the attention you're giving me cause you can't get any but this is just getting out of hand. So keep talking. All you'll ever be is a hypocrite and two face cause the person talking shit, you know me and you still choose to open your mouth with all the secrets I trusted you with. Spreading lies to get attention. Wow! I heard of jealousy but you're too much. Just cause I bite my tongue and I don't strike back doesn't mean I don't know. I care cause you were my best friend but friendship only goes so far with people like you.
p/s : Take a look at me and get to know me. It'll be a big difference people. Karma.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Disasterous Love.
Every reason and explanation.
1. I'm not that kind of girl who goes around stealing boyfriends. I'm not that high class bitch you think I am. I'm not a "Drama Queen", Drama finds me especially when I don't want it to. "Take a look at me, Listen to the rumors you heard about me and tell me what you think I am, Then look at me, Get to know me. Then tell me was it the same thing you knew or was thinking. No, I'm not like that at all. I know what it feels like having being cheated on, lied to, betrayed, have someone steal my boyfriend, and so on. Everyone in some part of their life will feel it. What makes you think me going through the rainy days and crying myself to sleep. Do you think I would have the heart to put you through that? If you do feel it, I can promise you, I wont be the girl who stole him. Feelings are feelings. Feeling are just feelings that come and go. It's what you do about it that's dangerous. Trust me. I didn't do anything but talk and get to know him better. I know my limit with him is just friends. He's so into you. You're afraid I'd steal him. But I know I can't get him. You're pretty, and sweet and friendly. So I'm sorry for complications but I don't want any drama. I'll back off."
2. I'm so sorry but I had to walk away. There was no more space for this in my heart. The secret was thrilling and fun at first. But slowly it became chaos and I couldn't have a secret relationship anymore. But I did love you. And I tried but things just got in the way. And I just couldn't do it. Don't get me wrong. We had so much fun memories together. And just keep it in mind. Cause I got to let you go. I've told you it all before. And those words were for you to hear. So I wont be writing it here for the rest of the world to know. But no matter what, I will always be here for you. And although we don't talk anymore, does mean I don't care. We had a lot of fun as friends as well. So everything should be fine. But I am really sorry for hurting you and being so complicated and all. Yes, I admit I'm complicated when it comes to relationships. But you already know that. Thank you, for being there when I was so down and lost. And thank you for making me laugh and chilling with me on the balcony eating chips and cigarettes. You're a good guy. But just not for me. I'm sorry. I do miss the fun times. But in time everything will pass and heal. And I know you'll find someone who is worthy of you. :)
3. 31 August 2009. Merdeka day. No enthusiasm though. This day has been treating me well all my life since there was always no school and always being happy with friends or someone. Till 2007. I got with this awesome guy in the cab, the fireworks playing and the time was nicely 12.00 am, 31 August 2007. It was going to be 2 years officially together. But things aren't going to be like it was. Last year, we had a hotel and great food and movies and just holding each other to sleep. We spent the whole night together and felt like nothing else mattered. We stayed up and talked all night about our lives. College and Holidays in Melbourne and such. I never felt so alive with a guy before till I met him. But this years merdeka I wont be in his arms and he wont be in mine. We're both going to be doing different things and with different people. As the days grow closer. My heart grows weaker and I know I got to let go of him slowly. No matter how much I love him, he's long gone. He walked away so long ago, I just stood there and didn't know where to go. But I'm slowly making my way and learning to be less dependant on you. Happy Anniversary. I know you wont be reading this. And you think I'm over you and you think I don't love, miss and care for you. But you have no idea. No matter how I tried to move on. My heart is stuck with you. I LOVE YOU, BABYLOVE. SO MUCH BUT YOU WONT EVEN KNOW IT.
1. I'm not that kind of girl who goes around stealing boyfriends. I'm not that high class bitch you think I am. I'm not a "Drama Queen", Drama finds me especially when I don't want it to. "Take a look at me, Listen to the rumors you heard about me and tell me what you think I am, Then look at me, Get to know me. Then tell me was it the same thing you knew or was thinking. No, I'm not like that at all. I know what it feels like having being cheated on, lied to, betrayed, have someone steal my boyfriend, and so on. Everyone in some part of their life will feel it. What makes you think me going through the rainy days and crying myself to sleep. Do you think I would have the heart to put you through that? If you do feel it, I can promise you, I wont be the girl who stole him. Feelings are feelings. Feeling are just feelings that come and go. It's what you do about it that's dangerous. Trust me. I didn't do anything but talk and get to know him better. I know my limit with him is just friends. He's so into you. You're afraid I'd steal him. But I know I can't get him. You're pretty, and sweet and friendly. So I'm sorry for complications but I don't want any drama. I'll back off."
2. I'm so sorry but I had to walk away. There was no more space for this in my heart. The secret was thrilling and fun at first. But slowly it became chaos and I couldn't have a secret relationship anymore. But I did love you. And I tried but things just got in the way. And I just couldn't do it. Don't get me wrong. We had so much fun memories together. And just keep it in mind. Cause I got to let you go. I've told you it all before. And those words were for you to hear. So I wont be writing it here for the rest of the world to know. But no matter what, I will always be here for you. And although we don't talk anymore, does mean I don't care. We had a lot of fun as friends as well. So everything should be fine. But I am really sorry for hurting you and being so complicated and all. Yes, I admit I'm complicated when it comes to relationships. But you already know that. Thank you, for being there when I was so down and lost. And thank you for making me laugh and chilling with me on the balcony eating chips and cigarettes. You're a good guy. But just not for me. I'm sorry. I do miss the fun times. But in time everything will pass and heal. And I know you'll find someone who is worthy of you. :)
3. 31 August 2009. Merdeka day. No enthusiasm though. This day has been treating me well all my life since there was always no school and always being happy with friends or someone. Till 2007. I got with this awesome guy in the cab, the fireworks playing and the time was nicely 12.00 am, 31 August 2007. It was going to be 2 years officially together. But things aren't going to be like it was. Last year, we had a hotel and great food and movies and just holding each other to sleep. We spent the whole night together and felt like nothing else mattered. We stayed up and talked all night about our lives. College and Holidays in Melbourne and such. I never felt so alive with a guy before till I met him. But this years merdeka I wont be in his arms and he wont be in mine. We're both going to be doing different things and with different people. As the days grow closer. My heart grows weaker and I know I got to let go of him slowly. No matter how much I love him, he's long gone. He walked away so long ago, I just stood there and didn't know where to go. But I'm slowly making my way and learning to be less dependant on you. Happy Anniversary. I know you wont be reading this. And you think I'm over you and you think I don't love, miss and care for you. But you have no idea. No matter how I tried to move on. My heart is stuck with you. I LOVE YOU, BABYLOVE. SO MUCH BUT YOU WONT EVEN KNOW IT.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
suicide.
i never promised you this was going to be easy and i didnt say it wouldnt hurt. and sometimes when its time to let go of whatever you hold on to. then you must. i need time and space. i'm trying to be strong on the inside. but no one really knows what going on in my mind and what im thinking about. my hearts closed and i know and i might be wrong. but no matter how i try. i lost myself. im drowning in the water and am trying to pick up the pieces. time is all i need right now. and going with the flow is all i have. so please understand if sometimes i just disappear. i love each and everyone of you. but things change sometimes. sometimes for the better. choices and regrets are part of life and i am living to that challenge. the more i try to stay strong the more suicide comes to mind. but im doing all i can to let go of everything and be myself again. be truely happy and free. till then...
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