battlefield ; life.

dear diary,
It's been some time since i last blogged and since the last time i blogged, things haven't been any easier for me. Exams has been going on for 2 weeks now and next week will be the last and public holiday for a week then school then another trials in October. Been stressing out a lot recently over my studies. for the past 2 weeks been at Yipee Cup, Mont Kiara just studying everything. Been smoking alot more and havent been having a very healthy lifestyle. All the pressure is kicking in to the studies. at first i wasnt serious at all about my education and wanted to start college late, but now i realized i should play a fool anymore. I'm now planning to use my trials and get into January intake and just do SAM as my pre-university. Then in 2011 head off to Australia. Other than that, family has been good, well I'm never home most of the times but looks better now although no one really communicates but at least the war had ended for now. It's something to look forward to when I come home on days where I feel like exploding. Having no boyfriend has been a lot easier on me, no more unwanted stress. But on the other hand, I miss the one who once was around, he understood me, loved me and was everything. But those are just lingering memories and I've learnt to live with. Tired of searching for a boyfriend, just going to wait till the right one comes along. Things been so complicated since Genting Highlands, and well things are awkward, pissing off and just plain immature. This guy is claiming and assuming and talking shit and he doesn't even know how it hurts but seriously, people keep telling me he means well and everything but he doesn't know how to show it. Well then, this is the 3rd time he did this and the millionth time he caused me so much discomfort. I just dont want to care about these people anymore. Other than him, are some of my other friends, there's just too much conflict and I just give up, hands down they can have it all. But to me, people like that mean nothing. I know I got a few good friends and I'm happy with that, these are outsiders who claim to know me and judge me and say things to make themselves look good. Gah! The backstabbing, hypocrites and everything well good for you then. And well, finally, he learnt to let me go, but it was just weird the way I know he wanted me to find out and all round kind of pissing off. If he wanted me to know, he should have just told me. But we dont even talk no more. So there goes one thing less to worry about. Basicly, I been thinking alot and although no names are mentioned and the words ' he, she, you, them, it ' is used alot. If they read it they know it's about them or some part that I did not detail that they know about. Basicly I been thinking alot all my life and did alot of stupid things that I should regret but dont. Instead I learnt alot of different and new things. Family has been better although there arent much communications and educations has been mentioned, friends well, friends come and go and we meet new people but there are some special people in my heart. Thinking about the future too, hmmm it's all in God's hands but yeah I got some things planned out and thought about some stuff. And I think I like a guy that I just want to try and stop because, he's just not who I thought he was at all. Forget it. But today was great. Went out with the people I can mingle with and some how have same thoughts and understanding as me and we can get along. We made a pit stop at the beach before heading to our destination and it definitely cleared my mind. Anyway eyes are burning. Goodnight. Update soon. TTFN.
love, andrea.