music is medicine.

this time i decided to close my eyes and walk away. the last thing that affected me real bad was friendship, broke me down after a long time. being confronted with mixed words from both parties of my friends, one says this another says that, but i'm the middle where i heard both sides are backstabbing me and such, the thing is these two different people have issues with each other for what ever reason it should not involve me. but i did become a little buyers after a while listening to all this everyday i guess i just couldn't take it anymore and i just broke down. i was told how my best friend spoke about me and brought up some past stories and it opened some old wounds but the truth is only we knew what really happened and how it affected us and being told i was being backstab by one of my bestfriends of five years, i guess everyone just have different thoughts and we can't force them to change them but accept them for their flaus. and on the other side, the didnt click well for their own personal reasons but in the end i became the middle person, torn between two i have to split myself around and its not easy when things get too sensitive. but the truth to be told, i'm standing neutral now and i have no say, i will listen but its time to just let you guys handle the problem yourself, i'm just going to be complex and fluctuate the way i do but fact is i patched it up with my bestfriend and my other friends, but there is alot of stories still going around but i'm just closing my ears and opening my heart. other than that, went to genting for the holidays for one night with friends and well it isnt as cold as it used to be, weather has changed drasticly. its really sad. in genting we played cards and the drinking game. things got complicated when my friend confessed to me, in an unexpecting way that made me so shocked i fell apart when my mind started running and the alcohol got the best part of my emotions. yes, the truth hurts but i'm not forcing love, it's suppose to happen naturally. well, i got super wasted cause i didnt know what to do or how to face him, we didnt talk for days but recently we did again and well, its just general now, but things been really different. spoke to one of my close friends whom i use to sort of date, well we spoke out openly and we both just missed a chance and after that talk i felt kind of sad cause now he's into someone else and so am i, and we're bestfriends, so yeah, but merdeka he was there and we drove around in my friends car, talked and smoked and just relaxed. we actually went to see fire crackers at bukit tunku but we were facing the back so we could only see abit. well, 31st august. dead and gone, now is just another holiday so yeah.. went back to friends house to drink then well i didnt feel like drinking so i just chilled in few different cars of my friends and just listened to music and drive around. after that played a game of speed, lost so had to down one cup and since i was hungry i got high. then just chilled with friends till 6 then went home and sleep till next day. trials started today 1st september, well exams for 3 weeks then taking driving license, get my range rover. got it all planned out ehhe. then well hmmm, now im planning a schedule for my daily use till SPM then next years is a whole new schedule. hmm well thinking of it, 3 months to graduation and prom and highschool is over, we're all planning road trip and stuff so yeah.. can't wait just a few more months of struggling then freedom till college.. hmmm its like when i think back and i remember how mischevious and cheeky i been during highschool times, the rules i broke, the stupid things i did and how everything was a game, starting to grow out of that already. serious times are coming, parents are putting alot of responsibitlity on me being the oldest and parents are getting old so yeahh.. i can say highschool, i made a lot of mistakes and done alot of stupid things but i would say i gained alot of new experiences with no regrets. now waiting for a new chapter. well basicly i just wrote a book all about my friends, family and studies and future, now the last part, how my love life has just been flat and dull, well it isnt so bad after all. i got alot of things to do and i'm not happy nor sad to be single its a neutral thing, but i do have someone in mind and well there's someting different about him, he's not like any of the guys i ever met but i know he likes someone else and well, this year has taught me some pretty weird things about love i never knew.. my first heart break, my first love, how karma works, and how a guy feels when the girl just doesn't understand. i dont know how guys can chase a girl till he gets her but i respect them for that, it's really hard and now i know how all my past boyfriends and such feel. ouch! but i definitely learned something new.

i was afraid to talk to you
but now that i spoke to you
i was afraid to know you
but now that i know you
i'm afraid to like you
but now that i like you
i'm afraid to love you
but now i know,
i cant have you.

LOLLIPOP. <3