just collapsed.

Since the break I told myself " fuck relationships" they hurt and break you instantly and I said I was just going to not care anymore and the world was going to be my play ground, for the past 6 months I've been doing so, breaking hearts and pulling baits but now that I told myself I want to stop this cause I made a mess of this, my emotions are juggling around for so many people and being around so many is just making things real difficult to for me to breathe in a safety zone, afraid of being caught, maybe I used to play my cards right for all this time, but the one guy to sweep me off my feet made me change, after some time I threw the cards on the table and just gave up playing the game. But when karma hit me all in one shot witht the guy I loved entirely with my heart, I hated love, jaded and destroyed I just wanted to rebel against everything he did, everything but knowing I was once a card player to deserve this, too much in pain and regrets I just struck back and didnt care for anything or anyone at all. My outside is just another mask I need to carry on daily lives when I just know my iniside has been locked away and no one can ever entre under my account. I met someone just like me, every move and every step he took, I knew he understood me, and all the words just came out, then I had to stop and think, because I was already falling for him, but I knew something was so wrong and he made me think and open some small part of me, reminding me how much I loved someone, and how much playing cards hurts the opposite side, I didnt like the feeling so why should I do it to someone else, the feelings came rushing back in, and I just collapsed on the bed room floor feeling like I was alone in this world, feeling like there is just me and no one else and how much I want for him to know how much I miss and loved him from the deepest of my heart, they asked is your heart locked away because you're not over him or you're waiting for him, honestly I don't know anymore, I'm confused and just so lost touch with everything, I'm lost and I can't seem to find the way out, but I'm not planning on giving up, but now my emotions are unstable and I just can't breathe around this air anymore.