when a storm comes dont dwell on it, just go dancing in the rain.

Everyone tries to be heartless and pretend to feel nothing at all but deep inside everyone is still human after all. Putting on a mask, running away from the problems as far as you think you can and lashing out anger in inhumane ways. I took the risk before and went down the most terrifying roads, it's like walking down a dark, creepy alley and you don't know who's or what's hiding in the corner. Something else, never give up or let go of something while it's still there, cause everyone needs to hold on to something, or they'll fall for anything, good or bad, it might destroy them. I've stopped trying to be heartless and cold, but only so clearly I can see a path which doesn't look too convincing to me. I gave up on the most important thing in a persons life but at the end of the day, it still only comes down to you and you alone, nothing else matters. I still cry in regret, because it was so easy to tell the world, but so hard to tell myself, when all I really want is to hear those three words and to be held like the little girls in the park and their daddy's. Not much time in my hands to fix what I'm missing, the sins caught up and it's just going to fall infront of me to my depts I will drop beside helplessly crying, yes am in still deep regret, I know it isn't trying, it's so hard to be done, but so easily said. I'm not a person who's very close to family, but if they need me I'll be there and I'd find away to be there, but they can't see what I'm doing for them and they think I can't see what they're doing for me. This family has given up everything to support people around us, to help people that aren't even thankful nor grateful for anything, till the point we forgot about ourselves and stranded out each others hearts to other things, keeping busy, keeping away from all the pain we feel inside, the empty lonely rooms and spaces just passing by. By far, I'm spending most of my time with friends and some how I am losing interest and missing my old lifestyle and friends, but I don't think I can go back in that far, afraid I'd fall back into my old demented self again which was so reluctant to feel anything at all, so I'd rather play on the safety grounds till I'm ready to see how they changed and how well my will power is. By now, I'm splitting myself in different directions, this group, that group, here and there, just slowly drowning in my own hole but this time I'm bringing some form of light with me to keep me secure on my actions. And I finally made my choice of who I'm staying with in this time of phase I'm going through, yes, I love him and I picked him, whatever choices I've left behind, with everything I do, I promise to draw my limits, and step back, a card game layed out and finish, skipping this next few rounds and just being there, with a heart but I'm afraid, the heart is just so far, deep, broken and gone, if to find out, I'm gambling this whole thing, trying to love someone with emotions, and commitment. Life's a gamble.