leaving me speechless.

im staring at the reflection of myself thinking. i fought with my mum at 4 am in the morning. i came back pretty drunk and tired. she's been saying the same thing since 12 am till 4 am and i couldnt take it. i told her over and over not to push my temper when i already told her i heard her the first time she said it. it was a stupid fight. and she was so pissed off the whole day about something some one did to her and she got people fired and yelled at by the manager and she's throwing her anger out to everyone including my friends. so im thinking what the fuck did any of us do to you? i tried to arrange family dinner tonight. trying to do something for this family and gain some closeness. i get pushed away with hurtful words. why do i bother trying anymore. everytime i do. it back fires on me. my friends been really great. a little glicthes here and there but nothing's perfect in life so yeah what can i say. i mean we're all having a little hard time now. exams are so close. and theres just too much to do in too little time. im falling for a guy who would never see me as anything but a friend and he doesn't even really talk to me. it hurts me to see him knowing he would never feel the same way. his gf's hot and skinny and everything im not. ahh! i never felt like this before. never liked someone who wouldnt feel the same. never chase guys. never put down my defences. nope not me. but this time its a whole different me. and i dont know whether its a good thing. im so tempted to go back to flinging and just live it up to myself. but some part of me out grow that player mode and wild life. ive toned down alot. and i guess this is all a whole new feeling. and this other guy. i might still love him but its not easy and its complicated. " wo bu pei - jay chou ". and i guess i still love my x. but no matter what i do. the feelings not fading. but im trying to hold my head high, keep strong. and if the phone rings ill try not to call. i know i got to let go. of this guy with the gf cause i wouldnt wanna ruin anything and to let go of my x. in time.everything's really confusing now. but whats life without a little drama and dirty secrets. but yeah i know i learned alot and the more time passes the more experiences so there's nothing much i need to say. all i know is next year im off t college and more things are bound to change. 2 years from now ill be in aussie or us. more will change. and im prepared for life's challenges.

"andreaa is enjoying every minute of the bitter sweet life."