time to say goodbye.

High school is finally over, finally graduated, so happy at first, everyone throwing up their graduation hats and now we sit and think back at all the stupid things we used to do and just plain being so silly and small fights being made gigantic to us. Playing in the rain and jumping into the pool and partying like it's our first. Although school started at such a young age, somehow people we love seem to be making new dreams and paths and you can see everyone slowly slipping away, while you know you'll be one of the last to leave and you look up at the plane flying off to another place, your eyes tear with water and thinking back at all those who left and now even more, the closeness once everyone had, disappeared into the sea and suddenly before you know it, it's the last make up and they're gone. It's a funny thing how we grow up as teens and just watching the memories go by and I'm thinking to myself, I'm pretty lucky to be the last to leave because I get to see every fading face and I just endure the moment. But the memory remains and small pieces of puzzles fits into your life and makes you everything you are today. For all the people who lost someone in any form, deaths or just distance, do you ever wonder why? is it so hard to say goodbye, when all it does is hurts. Well, it's the closeness despite it all. I love and miss you guys so much. xoxo

the boy next door.

Like a freaking fairytale or a story book or even a movie, it felt so funny at first that I laughed till tears dropped to the ground, but also because I thought it was so cute and sweet. Just like kinder garden time. Little boys get crushed on girls and gives them hand picked flowers from the field and handy craft, well this boy wasn't like that.  "Smack!!" Yeah! He's the kid who looks really tiny and innocent but beats the shit out of you, leaving blue black marks on girls he liked. Sigh. Playing sports together was really cute, as little kids swing each other and dance to "ring around the roses" or play pick-up sticks. Well this was different, football in evenings and being totally mean to each other, well lets just say this small tiny boy kicked a ball right to the girl's chest, she was asthmatic and fell to the ground on a stone, evil little boy just laughed cheekily. They had the same friends in common but never even bothered getting close like a typical boy meets girl kind of thing. Pop-ed collar T's and a hot ride, getting his game and playing by suicidal rules. Guess what? He grew up and became total... sigh! Just say caught the girls attention 3 years later, yeah!  Same girl. They both played hard to get, made each other jealous and tried hurting each other, played by everything they knew, no one backed down, egoistic and a little too proud to drop nothing like dining with a new white Italian suit. They both mixed with similar people where the space on earth became too small, and details poured in about each other as our friends played their part. Seen at parties and on regular basis, but both still wouldn't make a sound, but when he finally did well, she was either too drunk or too far away to hear him or just plain being hard to get. But time and other people got involved and slowly well.  As the set up went on, somehow she falls in love, with some other boy who tattoo's her name on his arm, but he is lost in some accidental fatal death. Well, she never thought her heart would open again, she's always been a little more than complicated when it came to relationships so standing still was never an option. The fact having pretty loads of bad experiences, love was not an option. But by then, the spaces between them grew and both dropped to a different play, nothing was left in this little small town, when only to realize she's lost everything she had and suddenly shot back up and while he was falling she pulled him back up, nothing more than mere friends, so they thought but the period of time they delayed just brought them so close together. The world is at chaos now, yet pretty safe if good aura is spread. Everything just fell into place so perfectly but the details remain a secret, nobody really knows why. Best part, now their crazily in love, a good nine years of acquaintance the path still falls in place and they bring out the best in each other.

note : if someone is meant to be yours, somehow by hook or by crook they will be yours. 

nothing.

do you ever feel like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, then you just remember all the littles pieces of misery you bury to deep lingers on your mind, but you try to fake a smile. Wearing a mask with no meaning at all, just seems to fade away as it slowly becomes my face. Maybe I'm falling too deep and comfortable with this empty feeling of losing the love of my life in the accident last year, regretting how I never had the chance to tell him how attracted I was to him and how every moment felt perfect. Then it lingers to other things like how it's like to walk into a house feeling like no ones home. Leading on to missing how things used to be when I had a bunch of really awesome friends, they slowly left overseas and I was stuck here due to the screw ups in the choices I made. I could have been in my dreamland, my paradise, but I'm stuck in a country where there isn't anything left for me. I wish I could just fall into a black hole, or hide under the blanket and never had to get out but after sometime it got really hot under there then I just realised read between the lines that I can't hide I might just sufficate under there. This emptiness never seems to go away, although I thought it did. As I tried to forget everything that has happened and the things I've been through I just can't seem to forget. I really can't believe how bad I am with relationships, I'm bored easily and I just turn so cold, never really fell in love with anyone, not anytime soon, I mean I love whoever I was in a relationship or being in now with but somehow some empty place in my heart never closed, always yerning for something more, something superficial, something my hands won't reach. I'm just praying, I get everything I prayed for with of course the effort and dedication but I'm praying so hard, I finally open my heart, seeing this guy around for 5 years fine, its nice we finally met, but I don't know I know I'm so in love when I'm super flying up on my emotion and mood but sometimes I sit and think, how I don't want to get serious anymore. I don't know. It's completely lonesome not having no body but completely inappropriate for me as I got so many things I always wanted to do, but made a few mistakes before that makes me delay my decisions and thoughts. Gah!! I wanna just drown into the water and wish I could be in a new world. It's absolutely tiring and frustrating, just channeling your thoughts and emotions to other things trying to keep things going... and looking at the bright side and you know its just not me, absolutely pessimistic and always looking behind the lines or out of the box or maybe just beating around the bush!!! Nahhh!!!!! Give me something to die for..I might just make the mask I wear my real self since the game is always up and pleasure fun is just turning into total chaos. Time to grow up, girl. Sigh. I hate this. Did I mention how life's a total bitch although its fun.. can't wait for something to sweep me off my feet.