waking up to an empty room.

sunken into my imagination, i started thinking how things have changed so much. for the pass few days i was thinking myself in my room on my bed how everything was always seemingly perfect. it was all about my boyfriend and i, just us. like a pair never seperated. but now i stand on my own, as my own person, he is his own person. its not us anymore, its you and its me, two different people who once crossed paths. thats all i can remember it as. but no doubt i miss everything we had but even if i could change back time right now, i wouldnt give it for anything at all because so many things have occured that we just cant be us anymore. just two individuals. then i started feeeling really low and wanted to talk to someone but i realized, how my bestfriends were so far away right now. one is in aussie, another moved from desa and another hangs out with other people and its all of us doing our own thing. and they use to be the one i confide in, but so much has changed and i just been bottling up my emotions. its just not like me to just pour my heart out to just anyone, so im just lingering. we're all growing up and need space to grow so yeah thats fine so do i. but the thoughts and memories seem like it was just yesterday we were in kingergarden playing catching or swimming in puddles on mud. time had passed so fast and few months down the road everyone will be doing their own thing and going to different places and new goals. its the part where we realize that we're out of the nest, alone in this world. growing up, parents growing old, moving to overseas and such. i woke up to an empty room one day, and all these things was running on my mind, the life challenges and its experiences. no regrets. but sometimes i just miss the moments, when everything was innocent and no one really bothered about where you came from or what you wear, all that matters was you. there's been some problems between friends but im just fluctuating and splitting my time for everyone, i love the people that mean most to me and i dont want to have to choose. the pressure is building up and im just trying to chill. everyone has their different "channels" but i cant be bothered anymore. friends are friends and life goes on.


can you feel the pressure, it's getting closer now!

what happened to her? zombified.

friday was pretty slow. went swimming at ryan's apartment. but it started raining. it was freezing. but we swam anyway. han yao, ryan, john, mh, chun kit, rach and me. usual thing. then went for dinner at new seafood. then me and rach went off to joe's and has some shisha and met up with some people. waited to go clubbing with nelson and all. had a real bad stomach ache. waited for faris which took a long time then went to changkat KL at about nearly twelve thirty. started drinking. i was super hungry. so i had some sips of alcohol and a shot and was out. there was a lot of alcohol that night. went to the dance floor. the music there isnt very clubbing its more like a chill out place. then after that we rounded up everyone and went to devi's to chill then went back. usual me. didn't sleep till last minute. saturday was well i woke up 3 hours later so thats about 11 am and went off for brunch at sunway then to the mtv worldstage. did alot of waiting running around finding the right entrance. then it started raining so me and elle was sweaty and wet, ok sounds weird but yes. concert started at six we stayed through out the whole thing. pictures on facebook. got some goodies and got passes to the after party and partied with the celebrities. but was kind of wasted. free flow of alcohol so yeah. after that we had our own few after parties and went off bout 7 am and looked for hotel with adney and stanley till 8 something and got a room. played a card game and there was more alcohol. then went off back to curve at three in the afternoon and got another cab back home. slept for 3 hours of so. dad was pissed and mum just being cranky then went to breakers to blow off some steam then went back then went back out to see mh and all. well i made this very general but basicly in 72 hours i was awake for 68 hours. 4 hours of sleep in three days. no more this ends tonight. i could barely walk and was so tired till i hit the point where i couldnt sleep. but now i am going to sleep. so good night everybody. andreaa is over and out.

comprehensive.

feelings.
the colour of the word feelings says it all doesn't it. well what i can say is that, recently i been like this snail. everytime i feel danger is aproaching me or i feel some kind of negative vibe i tend to hide in my shell ; pull away from people or just get really irritated by it. i slowly tend to bottle up more things. for those who seen me at my best and worst would know what i mean, i dont speak much about anything but mostly general stuff now. maybe its a good thing too. cause in the past years that i had no secrets and trusted my friends. it all kind of back fired on me. well, now im full of secrets. but my lips are sealed. getting in deeper. well recently 'the phone call' didnt hurt as much as it used to but i did feel the urge or saying baby and saying how much i miss you but then think of it. i start to reflect you and wanting to disappear. but i know my heart lingers your name some where in that little part i saved for you. but thats just me maybe, you said you loved me and i said i loved you too. but i dont know why those mere words came out so suddenly. even i was shocked. but yes. i am taking tiny steps away from this. moving on, me and this guy once had a thing but it ended about 2 months ago now. well we used to be super close and bestfriends. but now i find it hard to talk to him or trust anyone with anything. it's sometimes a little awkward with him. and lunch just isnt the same anymore. well after all that happened. its just hard to look at the person the same way you know what i mean. its like were just two aquaintances. some sort of thing like that. but for now. im not looking for anyone to come around. taking a good break. 5 years of commitment. heres my time out. i mean well 3 years with one guy and 2 with another. after that had a few trial and error but just not so into it anymore. i mean who doesn't love romance but relationships are too corny for me. (no offense people this is just for my opionion based on my experience.) i mean if the right one does come along then i'll be the time again. but now im not scouting. im awaiting :). friends been on the go. and so has family. little brothers are still pain in the asses but well. dad's getting new car and suprisingly said to me he wanted me to get my license so i could test drive my own car. everyone seems to be in reall tip top shape and mood. the fact malaysian weather had increased by 7 degrees since 2001 and people still smiling while melting away. feeling the pressure for exams that are coming up on 1st Sept and SPM on the 15th November. havent studies at all. my basics are out and so are my form 5 subs. im dead meat. but other than that, my feelings are more stable now. so im fine :) but once in awhile i do get my breakdowns. but i am keeping my head high. :D

goals.
x. get my range rover.(yes, my dad keeps changing his price range so im fluctuating too.)
x. finish up my exams and just cross my fingers.
x. get a part time job. (probably some PR work and entertainment jobs.)
x. get accepted into college
- foundation in arts in Taylors College Puchong. (yes, the new campus with the lake.[2010])
- get into mass communication. majoring in Public Relations (PR) - Degree.
x. move to Australia. Melbourne. and get singed into college there.

well basicly my main goals. of course family and friends, etc does not need to be part of goals they're my ambition :)

highlight of the day.
andreaa has two friends in her room snoozing away. yeap. they're snooring haha! ttfn. :)

notes.

friday
having lunch tomorrow with friends :)
EST tuition with Estee.. 3pm - 5pm tmw.. ahhhh bummmer.
Hopefully... Exercising tomorrow as well...hahah (if andreaa isn't lazy )
Going to Changkat KL as well. Check it out with some friends. :)
-yes, i still party. but not hardcore ok people.

saturday
no more saturday tuitions. there is an explanation for that.
will be leaving to my friends house in the morning. going to her place for brunch.
going for worldstage. mosh pit tickets :D
and of course the after party. with the celebs :P

sunday
well sunday. is a mystery. but do need to get studying sooon!! yes! soon haha.

wednesday
driving at 8-10 am
then tuition at 4.30 till 7.30 maths and science.






well so far thats all i have planned the rest are just... hmmm.. in planning.. i am trying to get into some PR work and stuff. and i am looking into other things as well.. see u.

how you feeling?

sick.

andreaa has been sick since last saturday :( and you know how much i hate to be sick. well was fine on saturday but the night itself caught a cough then next morning was just a cough.. went for lunch with john and we had some heart to heart kind of talks haa. yes. with john. suprised myself. havent smoked since that day actually. didnt watch movie with my friends. really had no strength. monday morning went to the doctor and was then admitted to the hospital suspecting H1N1. Couldnt determine anything yet but they did give me some medicine called Tamiflu supposingly for H1N1 but they told me no results yet unless this continues for another two days. when i go back home felt really awful slept the whole day and the next thing i knew i was practically paralyzed. barely could walk or talk. body was aching like mad. and everything i ate. kept vomiting till i cried. slept like a prawn last night. thats what my brother told me. he checked up on me and apparently i was curled like a ball then found out my fever was super high then my mum had to spounge me the whole time to bring down the heat. feeling alot better today. but still need a lot of rest. gahh!

bumpy.

this past few days have been a hell of a weekend. been so busy meeting up with people and having late nights and waking up early. i'm just really tired. i'm sick at the moment. so far no signs of H1N1 so no worries guys. the haze this year has been coming on and off so it affected many people's health. played foosball that day to blow of some steam. had burger and shisha at Joe's burger in desa. still am waiting for my license. did driving lesson today. parking and three point turn haha. pretty fun but since i only slept for 3 hours was super tired after that. by the time i got home i just slept. then went out for lunch with a friend of mine and we just started talking about all the things that has been going on. we kind of ate too much and was really sleepy afte lunch. we chilled at the park for a bit then i went home and my friend had dinner plans so we just went back home. was suppose to watch Ghost Of Girlfriend's Past today but didn't come around too it. had cough medicine that made me really drozy so planning to watch another time. this month and next month alot of good movies coming out. didn't go out today. stayed at home and basicly slept. had some freaky night mares thought. no joke. the cough meds are getting to my head. hopefully will recover by tmw.

The Proposal.

Sandra Bullock stars in the romantic comedy The Proposal, as a Canadian immigrant who creates a demanding and difficult work environment for her subordinates at the office. When the news arrives that she's about to be deported to the Great White North, she rushes into a marriage of convenience with her young assistant (played by Ryan Reynolds) to prevent such a catastrophe from occurring. In the end, they fall in love. :)
http://www.fandango.com/theproposal_v400798/summary

The Proposal was a really good movie. Watched it with Somesh and Justine just now at Tropicana City. The mall is not bad, it's like another Pavilion. Anyway, everyone should watch that movie especially couples. And plus, did i mention that Ryan Reynolds was super hot and sexy in the movie. Especially the part he took off his clothes to go for a shower. Wow. Turned on ;).

i like ;)

the end.

andreaa is suddenly checking Ryan Reynolds out. :D

Creepy.

I just found out from my friend that someone on facebook took some of my pictures and added it as her own. Even had her profile picture. Dude? Don't you have a face of your own. This is freaky. And this is the second time it has happened. Some of the pictures are gone as my friend had reported it. The internet world is turning into a freak show.

past days.

the past few days since that last friday i realize i been more quiet and been bottling up my emotions more. and i cant seem to figure out why. cause i know. that is just not me. you know if you know me. im the kind of person that just speaks my mind and dont bottle up things but these few days seem different. maybe its my period so im pms-ing or something i dont know. i just dont really have the mood to speak like how i use to be hyper and loud. now i just prefer to listen and shut up unless i have something to say id process it so many times in my head before actually saying it now. weird. been feeling kind of empty inside and feeling inferear all over again. i guess the heart break is kicking in again. i see how couples are so happy together. and i see them walking by holding each other. i really miss those stuff. there was one part where i just turned my head to my bed side and saw the teddy bear he gave me and i stopped for a second. realizing how much i miss those times. when we were in Aussie together. we had a room to ourselves our own money our own time and nothing else mattered. i remember when he would carry me around and id kiss him on his forehead people would be staring but it didnt feel like anything mattered when it was just me and him all the way. i could say he ment the world to me. sometimes i go to bed and just hug my pillow wishing it'd hug me back like he used to. i think im so much more open in my blog than to people now. weird. not andreaa material but yeah. so now when you guys read up you'll know the things i wish i didnt say. i guess theres just a whole in my heart.

but overall the current emotions i'm feeling are
-irritated
-flattered
-jealous
-lost of self esteem
-very confused

gahh this is so frustrating. I want my god damn license. my car. money and i want to just do everything. thinking back about how much i changed from the pass years of being a player and hardcore party girl to this girl that just chills and wanting to find commitment. thats just way off in me. but i guess its good. everything has its pros and cons so yeah. bearing it. life is weird. im weird. my true happiness now.. food but sometimes they let me down. by making me fat and tasting awful. gahh!

andreaa needs a good stressfree vacation!
: guys right after spm im going to take my car and drive to some place chilling and chill. feel free to scream at the top of your lungs!

Andreaa is in the room with CK and Estee.

don't want to go tuition which is in 30 mins or so. thank god for the weekend. but then again. tuition on saturday and sunday. wont be going on sunday have driving class. :) and i think i might be having a crush on one of my old crush. but we're too much of good friends to be anything more. moving on. yesterday was pretty fun. woke up. went lunch at kim gary then went back. studied maths. and had an amazing and emotional heart to heart talk with my mum about some personal family issues that kind of brought me down yesterday. but everything happens for a reason and me as the eldest has to be strong for this family. after that had dinner at new seafood with friends then played foosball. it was awesome. foosball on form that day. then met up with elle. was suppose to be drinking but ended up just catching up and talking then she slept over at my place. can't wait for my license as well. today let's see whats up after tuition. grr! tuition. well now just lying on the bed and estee next to me. well was next to me. now she's back on the bed and ck playing my ps3. damn im so jobless haha. oh had lunch at nam heong chicken rice just now. bit weird though. hmm. byebye gtg tuition. and i have one wish. but ill bring that up the next time.

happy birthday mommy. i love you.

Mom's birthday today (5 August). Had dinner with mom and brothers and friends after a long time of not sitting on the same table having dinner. Felt awesome. Had nice dinner at some Thai restaurant which I can't really pronounce the name. Had some green curry chicken. And butter prawn. Sweet and sour chicken. And vegetables. Not much actually. But super full. Just more like a gathering. Looking at my mom thinking to myself. Few years from now I'm moving out and how I'm going to miss her so much. Thinking about all the times I fought with her and didn't listen to hear just made me feel really sad. She has done everything for me from the day I was born to every second that goes by right now. From washing clothes to cooking to feeding me. I wish I could be a better daughter. Looking at things now, my brothers and I are growing up and parents growing old. All part of life's cycle and it's so sad but life goes on. I love my mommy so much but I just don't know how to express it. She's been the pillar in this family keeping us all together. She's been a father figure as well as a mother figure. She did everything. Happy Birthday mom. May you look stunning as you are now for more time to come.

"Mom,
You been my light
You been my everything
But as I grow older I depend less on you

Remember
When you would put ribbons in my hair
And we'd play dress up
You protected me from the storm
Kept me safe and warm

I know as i grow older
The spaces between us grow further
Times will change
And everyone one day leaves

For every tear you shed
I wish I could have made it go away
For all the times you cried
Cause you were happy
And smiled while you were sad
Just so we wouldn't worry

You stood tall
When we fell apart
You did everything
But you didn't feel wanted
I know I failed
To keep you happy
But mommy
I really do love you
from the bottom of my heart
Even though I know
I don't know how to show it.
From your only daughter."

feeling awesome and light hearted. loving this!

things are looking up.

well now all the drama is clear and everything seems to be fine i guess. here and there a little glitches but what's life without a little bit of this and that. all i know is things are getting better. and i myself am getting over the past with the help of time healing all wounds. things are good i guess. and alot of things are changing.

a new person.

didn't really think much about how time has change its course and took its toll on me. not till one of my close friend confronted me about it. then it opened my eyes a little bit more and slowly i'm seeing a whole different scenery. was a big time wild girl before and did things that weren't that proud of it now thinking of it. but this year had a big change on me. i didn't barely drink and i'm clean and not so much of a party girl anymore. i do still enjoy a good drink and some high fun parties but not hardcore anymore. it was a good confrontation.i didnt realize myself how much things changed till last night, and i would say its a good change. the old me is dead and gone. and i dont think i want to go back down that road. but yeah other than that, all the problems that pop along will always be problems. i was told i was a big mess before. but i got a lot of improvement so i'm happy. i know how to think more now and follow my instincts. i know my limits better now. and no matter what anyone does people will still talk. but i know myself and what i am doing now. so yeah. its all good. bad girl gone good. and proud of it. we'll no need to go in details. if you knew me before and still know me now. you'll see it. and if you didn't know me last time. well lets leave it as that. everyone deserves a second chance.

the person who was supposingly watching my back is the person stabbing me with a knife.

honesty is the best policy.

words been thrown around too much. and i'm putting a stop to this starting with myself. whatever lies or bullshit anyone has to tell me. i'll listen but i wont be believing any shit for a long time. how could you do that. take a walk in someone else shoes and tell me how does it feel to be in that persons life. aint easy hmm.. well then stop. innocent people getting fucked for your mistakes. no more. i'm done. just because i keep my mouth shut doesn't mean nothing is wrong. just dont push me over the line. dont cross my red lights. it'll all fall back to you.