past days.

the past few days since that last friday i realize i been more quiet and been bottling up my emotions more. and i cant seem to figure out why. cause i know. that is just not me. you know if you know me. im the kind of person that just speaks my mind and dont bottle up things but these few days seem different. maybe its my period so im pms-ing or something i dont know. i just dont really have the mood to speak like how i use to be hyper and loud. now i just prefer to listen and shut up unless i have something to say id process it so many times in my head before actually saying it now. weird. been feeling kind of empty inside and feeling inferear all over again. i guess the heart break is kicking in again. i see how couples are so happy together. and i see them walking by holding each other. i really miss those stuff. there was one part where i just turned my head to my bed side and saw the teddy bear he gave me and i stopped for a second. realizing how much i miss those times. when we were in Aussie together. we had a room to ourselves our own money our own time and nothing else mattered. i remember when he would carry me around and id kiss him on his forehead people would be staring but it didnt feel like anything mattered when it was just me and him all the way. i could say he ment the world to me. sometimes i go to bed and just hug my pillow wishing it'd hug me back like he used to. i think im so much more open in my blog than to people now. weird. not andreaa material but yeah. so now when you guys read up you'll know the things i wish i didnt say. i guess theres just a whole in my heart.

but overall the current emotions i'm feeling are
-irritated
-flattered
-jealous
-lost of self esteem
-very confused

gahh this is so frustrating. I want my god damn license. my car. money and i want to just do everything. thinking back about how much i changed from the pass years of being a player and hardcore party girl to this girl that just chills and wanting to find commitment. thats just way off in me. but i guess its good. everything has its pros and cons so yeah. bearing it. life is weird. im weird. my true happiness now.. food but sometimes they let me down. by making me fat and tasting awful. gahh!

andreaa needs a good stressfree vacation!
: guys right after spm im going to take my car and drive to some place chilling and chill. feel free to scream at the top of your lungs!