read this!

So I heard there are rumors and drama streaming along my sidewalks. Get this straight everyone. I don't know what you're hearing and thinking. But you don't even know me and you're just eating the shit people tell you. If you have the nerve for truth, come to my face and ask me what the hell is going on. Cause I don't know myself. People keep talking shit but I don't even know what the hell did I do to any of you. Have some nerve. Stop blogging about me and spreading shit unless you want it done to you. Don't get me wrong. I'm loving the attention you're giving me cause you can't get any but this is just getting out of hand. So keep talking. All you'll ever be is a hypocrite and two face cause the person talking shit, you know me and you still choose to open your mouth with all the secrets I trusted you with. Spreading lies to get attention. Wow! I heard of jealousy but you're too much. Just cause I bite my tongue and I don't strike back doesn't mean I don't know. I care cause you were my best friend but friendship only goes so far with people like you.

p/s : Take a look at me and get to know me. It'll be a big difference people. Karma.

Disasterous Love.

Every reason and explanation.


1. I'm not that kind of girl who goes around stealing boyfriends. I'm not that high class bitch you think I am. I'm not a "Drama Queen", Drama finds me especially when I don't want it to. "Take a look at me, Listen to the rumors you heard about me and tell me what you think I am, Then look at me, Get to know me. Then tell me was it the same thing you knew or was thinking. No, I'm not like that at all. I know what it feels like having being cheated on, lied to, betrayed, have someone steal my boyfriend, and so on. Everyone in some part of their life will feel it. What makes you think me going through the rainy days and crying myself to sleep. Do you think I would have the heart to put you through that? If you do feel it, I can promise you, I wont be the girl who stole him. Feelings are feelings. Feeling are just feelings that come and go. It's what you do about it that's dangerous. Trust me. I didn't do anything but talk and get to know him better. I know my limit with him is just friends. He's so into you. You're afraid I'd steal him. But I know I can't get him. You're pretty, and sweet and friendly. So I'm sorry for complications but I don't want any drama. I'll back off."

2. I'm so sorry but I had to walk away. There was no more space for this in my heart. The secret was thrilling and fun at first. But slowly it became chaos and I couldn't have a secret relationship anymore. But I did love you. And I tried but things just got in the way. And I just couldn't do it. Don't get me wrong. We had so much fun memories together. And just keep it in mind. Cause I got to let you go. I've told you it all before. And those words were for you to hear. So I wont be writing it here for the rest of the world to know. But no matter what, I will always be here for you. And although we don't talk anymore, does mean I don't care. We had a lot of fun as friends as well. So everything should be fine. But I am really sorry for hurting you and being so complicated and all. Yes, I admit I'm complicated when it comes to relationships. But you already know that. Thank you, for being there when I was so down and lost. And thank you for making me laugh and chilling with me on the balcony eating chips and cigarettes. You're a good guy. But just not for me. I'm sorry. I do miss the fun times. But in time everything will pass and heal. And I know you'll find someone who is worthy of you. :)

3. 31 August 2009. Merdeka day. No enthusiasm though. This day has been treating me well all my life since there was always no school and always being happy with friends or someone. Till 2007. I got with this awesome guy in the cab, the fireworks playing and the time was nicely 12.00 am, 31 August 2007. It was going to be 2 years officially together. But things aren't going to be like it was. Last year, we had a hotel and great food and movies and just holding each other to sleep. We spent the whole night together and felt like nothing else mattered. We stayed up and talked all night about our lives. College and Holidays in Melbourne and such. I never felt so alive with a guy before till I met him. But this years merdeka I wont be in his arms and he wont be in mine. We're both going to be doing different things and with different people. As the days grow closer. My heart grows weaker and I know I got to let go of him slowly. No matter how much I love him, he's long gone. He walked away so long ago, I just stood there and didn't know where to go. But I'm slowly making my way and learning to be less dependant on you. Happy Anniversary. I know you wont be reading this. And you think I'm over you and you think I don't love, miss and care for you. But you have no idea. No matter how I tried to move on. My heart is stuck with you. I LOVE YOU, BABYLOVE. SO MUCH BUT YOU WONT EVEN KNOW IT.

suicide.

i never promised you this was going to be easy and i didnt say it wouldnt hurt. and sometimes when its time to let go of whatever you hold on to. then you must. i need time and space. i'm trying to be strong on the inside. but no one really knows what going on in my mind and what im thinking about. my hearts closed and i know and i might be wrong. but no matter how i try. i lost myself. im drowning in the water and am trying to pick up the pieces. time is all i need right now. and going with the flow is all i have. so please understand if sometimes i just disappear. i love each and everyone of you. but things change sometimes. sometimes for the better. choices and regrets are part of life and i am living to that challenge. the more i try to stay strong the more suicide comes to mind. but im doing all i can to let go of everything and be myself again. be truely happy and free. till then...

has concluded a mission.

been jogging and exercising everyday now. cut down smoking and started balancing out my friends and family. coming home for lunch and dinner now. but weekends its my own time. making the best of what i can. things are messy but im coping.

has to let go of the past. but doesnt know how to. and the feeling is surreal.

leaving me speechless.

im staring at the reflection of myself thinking. i fought with my mum at 4 am in the morning. i came back pretty drunk and tired. she's been saying the same thing since 12 am till 4 am and i couldnt take it. i told her over and over not to push my temper when i already told her i heard her the first time she said it. it was a stupid fight. and she was so pissed off the whole day about something some one did to her and she got people fired and yelled at by the manager and she's throwing her anger out to everyone including my friends. so im thinking what the fuck did any of us do to you? i tried to arrange family dinner tonight. trying to do something for this family and gain some closeness. i get pushed away with hurtful words. why do i bother trying anymore. everytime i do. it back fires on me. my friends been really great. a little glicthes here and there but nothing's perfect in life so yeah what can i say. i mean we're all having a little hard time now. exams are so close. and theres just too much to do in too little time. im falling for a guy who would never see me as anything but a friend and he doesn't even really talk to me. it hurts me to see him knowing he would never feel the same way. his gf's hot and skinny and everything im not. ahh! i never felt like this before. never liked someone who wouldnt feel the same. never chase guys. never put down my defences. nope not me. but this time its a whole different me. and i dont know whether its a good thing. im so tempted to go back to flinging and just live it up to myself. but some part of me out grow that player mode and wild life. ive toned down alot. and i guess this is all a whole new feeling. and this other guy. i might still love him but its not easy and its complicated. " wo bu pei - jay chou ". and i guess i still love my x. but no matter what i do. the feelings not fading. but im trying to hold my head high, keep strong. and if the phone rings ill try not to call. i know i got to let go. of this guy with the gf cause i wouldnt wanna ruin anything and to let go of my x. in time.everything's really confusing now. but whats life without a little drama and dirty secrets. but yeah i know i learned alot and the more time passes the more experiences so there's nothing much i need to say. all i know is next year im off t college and more things are bound to change. 2 years from now ill be in aussie or us. more will change. and im prepared for life's challenges.

"andreaa is enjoying every minute of the bitter sweet life."

snap.

i was about to drop everything. i mean everything. i couldnt take it i was going to snap. but i just held it in. and tried to ignore the ugly truth and the things that's been going around. one day i might just snap and walk away. theres just too little time in live for me to be worrying about all this at the moment. enough fighting and drama. its not getting us anywhere. i dont see why poeple got to be so immature. im not gonna go in details this time cause i wanna avoid any form of offence or arguements. i love you guys i really do everyone in my life means something to me. just dont make me not care cause i really wont if i hit that point. andreaa needs a break.

dirty little secret. loving you in silence. <3

love department.

my love life been so sucky since i broke up with my x. i just cant seem to make right choices. cant seem to think straight. i hurt my 2 best friends along the way when i was vulnerable. and 1 of my closest friend that i got super close to and had an unofficial thing going on. he told me there's two sides of a story its true. but he didnt bother to tell me. and i know my friends mean well and things just got complicated with the words being thrown around. i didnt mean to make you feel like a rebound. i didnt mean to make you feel like i used you. i just didnt know what to be around you at first cause you said we werent dating were just super close friends so i held back. i didnt know. i know you were trying to save our friendship. its abit too far out for that. and i know everything we been through ment so much to me. cause when i was around you i was happy. but things came tumbling in. and there's nothing my heart could do to resist. i never wanted to let go. but i got confused. there were days i wanted to just sit beside you and cry. i miss having you around. you always could make me laugh. but i still got carried away. i was being too blind to see that you cared. and me being so disappointed made me yell. i didnt mean to hurt you. i really didnt. you were the closest i been to a guy since my x. and i dont want us to not talk and i dont want us to not be friends. but its all so hard when so much has been said and done. im sorry. i loved you. but now im just lost. i guess i wasnt ready to start a new relationship. but i knew it hurt when you said be friends. i didnt want that. didnt want to lose you. so i forced love and it ended up hitting me back. thanks for being there for me when i needed you. i know i said hurtful things when i was mad. i just was too blinded by the pain to see what you were doing for me. and i know you cared and loved me. so did i. but somehow it all comes to a stop cause this is hard. maybe time will tell. now that im thinking about you and what we went through and how much this hurts. the thought of my x slips away. i know these days i been really down. because i missed you. other than that im fine. until the phone rings. until i see. everything is slowly slipping away and i will slowly be letting go of my x. and you. there's no way were going to be together now. this condition is killing love. its hard to walk away when your heart is lost. but i want you to know. i did love and care for you unconditionally. i just wasnt ready and things got in the way. to make it all more unstable. i loved you. but again im letting go. relationships never been so hard for me. this i fell in love and got my heart shattered on the floor. now everythings different.

you're so cute! <3

realize and change.

Grrr! for the past 2009 its been really stressing. and i have been pushing my body to its limits. the amount of stress everyone is facing this year is hectic. but i have managed to get some good sleep and feel slightly better. i had some hard times with my family and it finally resolved with my dad after years. and my mom's getting happier, the fact my brothers and i have created peace. friends, my close friends are great. but i limited myself to my friends. im only with one type of people now. i hardly mix around with my other friends anymore. reasons cause i dont have a car and sometimes alot of bad things happen when im with them. im mostly hanging out with people with boundaries now. and its good. they have their fair share of fun and responsibility. and they really watch out for me. so im thankful. but i do miss my old and other friends. but i guess sometime will heal all wounds. alot has happened to make me and my other friends split apart. friends come and go yes. but there are some i would like to keep and meet up with once in awhile. love life, well im getting by after the heart break. its been hard but time is definitely healing. the last guy i had a thing with, ended up hurting me too. so i just had to pull away. but there's this guy im currently crushing on. he doesnt know it but he makes me happy when i see him. there are a few things i would like to change about myself though...

[1] be more healthy. starting with smoking less. exercising more. and eating proper meals. no, this is not for losing weight. my health has detorated greatly since form 3. i been having lots of health problems. and my heart is weak compared to before.

[2] be more serious about studies and have a good holding career later on.

[3] spending more time with family starting from now. realising im the eldest and should be putting the family back together. since i got so caught up in my wild life i pushed everything away. i shouldnt have done that. im going to try to make family dinner's once a week and visit my relatives when im told to.

[4] basicly, making myself happy, the people i love happy and just making the best of everyday. you never know when it might be your last. nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. but i intend to improve myself. and be my old happy go lucky self again.

MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT YOU GOT BEFORE IT'S GONE!!

you caught me off guard. now im running and screaming.

what is life without love, happiness, sorrows? meaningless.

life long journeys.

its been a rough day and i just am too tired to speak and bother. im feeling empty and fed up. i lost my temper today and i havent yelled and been so disappointed or upset at someone like that in a long time. i know people make mistakes. no one is perfect. everyone just needs a little time to forgive and forget. no grudges. everyone makes mistakes and should be forgiven. no matter how much it hurts time will heal. im still learning that. keeping things simple. i cant handle this. im tired and all i can say is the best thing i got is my friends and family and the people i love. life is a learning lesson. we make mistakes to learn. and these mistakes should not be repeated. i tried so hard to love this one guy but i felt so pushed away everytime i tried. i just cant do it. at first i didnt have the heart to give up. but slowly i just walked off. everything happens for a reason. and songs are good remedies :). thank god for music. well enough stress talk. all i know is. i wouldnt change anything in my life cause this might be not picture perfect but it could be worst. owh! and! i cant wait to AUGUST HOLIDAYS!!!! WHEEEE! :D and after SPM!! and COLLEGE! Oooolala! haha nahh.. i think theres still red bull flowing in my blood. ahha. nitenite.

truth.

this is to generally people in particular. yes, im talking about more than one person here. look around you. tell me what do you see. people of all kinds. let me say this once and only once.

[1]hey you! yeah you! you lie you back stab and you cross the line between friends and hurt people i love. you can say goodbye to anything that is everything to you. you lie about things and talk bullshit to make yourself look good and make others look bad. you back stab and betray and you are a true hypocrite. friends like you who take pity from others for attention and brag about things you dont have isnt something i or anyone would admire. your true colors are showing. im disappointed but its people like you im afraid of now. you hold my secrets and im afraid you might spill. i lost trust in you buddy.

[2]how can people be so barbaric to do such things to someone. a girl was just being friendly and met some friends and you people take advantage of her. then you leave me at some road side. you're lucky shes fine or cops will be all over you. you call yourself friends. friends dont do that to friends. think twice asshole.

[3]his girl is crazy and phyco shes insane and rude. how did he ever end up with a girl like that. all i can say is *speechless*.

[4] generally. alot of people has flaus so do i. but how inhumane can you people get seriously. why not think before you act or give others a hard time.

gah! im too tired and have no time for this nonsense but people. think if what u did to people would u like it being done to you or someone you love. stop to think.

secretly crushing.

everytime he looks my way.
i wonder if he knows
how my heart skips a beat.
everytime he smiles
im holding my breathe
he's funny and caring
he's cute and daring
he's got attitude and style
and he's not just talk
its all action baby.
he's the man =p

ni ke bu ke yi ai wo.
ke bu ke yi xiang wo.

secret affections.

la la dee.

well exams was on wednesday till friday. didnt sit for the friday one though. gah! couldnt be bothered it was just sejarah. driving manual car still in progress. its not too bad pretty fun actually just tiring. friday had lunch with some friends then tuition with estee. it was a drag as usual but we made it through. later that evening went swimming with rach john meng hui and vincent. pretty funny things going on. especially their attempt to carry each other *laughs*. later that night we watched a movie. supposingly Harry Potter but john ended up getting us this long ass draggy movie "Public Enemies" i mean the story line is all mafia like and all that but it was just too long. then by the time movie ended everyone looked stoned dead. i went back early that night well if u call 2 something early. really had a bummer of emotions and needed to be alone. the next day was a much better day. we went for dinner at our usual me rach and meng hui. the ikan bakar wasnt as good as usual. then my friend said he knew some hot friends. nahh his assumptions are pretty off you can say. sorry. ahh! but dessert was awesome. dessert bar! whee. then later me and rach had this crazy need for magazines so we chilled in Times in HSC and read till they closed the lights. The we went off to Rasta for shisha and chilling with friends. the whole group that is. almost. i saw my friend there. she is in pretty bad shape helped her out and she's fine now[personal issues]. then later we went karaoke at Yan's place. hehe the people i never expected to sing well sung awesomely. well later then we just went to meng hui's and had ourselves a drinking session. *laughs* funny and idiotic things happened. by the time we all finished playing card games and drunk me and rach kept holding conversations about tuitions and everyone laughed assuming we wouldnt go. which we did with only two to three hours sleep. i nearly died i swear. by the time i got home was 6 something and slept till 9 something. then me and rach had red bull and we were shaking like mad. *laughs*. the weekend was pretty sweet. and tomorrow not going to school.driving again! ahhh!

low.

i remember when life was so innocent and gossiping was a hobby and boys were disgusting. growing up from pretty colors and ribbons to make-up and dresses. that kind of thing. love was just a game to me. i was young and stupid. till i got my heart broken this year in april. no relationship or guy could ever get to me like - did. - was my first love. to me - was my everything. making - my everything was fun while it lasted. now it feels like i have nothing at all. i drowned in tears the first few weeks. then i eventually thought that i was over -. i met guys and got closer with them. to only find out. i didnt want any of them. who i really wanted isnt here anymore. three months later i had a melt down. confused and aggitated to know the truth i completely broke down and lost myself. i stopped. kept telling everyone i was fine and trying to stay positive. but i know i am lying to myself. hell it hurts like mad. no matter how much i like a guy or how close i am with one. i cant seem to open my heart and let him in. - i walked away. i avoided and ignored anyone who got close with me. when i knew my heart kept pushing it away. me away from love. paranoid i am. im fine when im occupied. but after a while it gets to me. all over again. i find it so hard to trust anyone now. to tell anyone everything like i used to. i use to have no secrets. now i have a million. sometimes i want to speak. but i dont want to hear their judgement or have them judge me. i dont want to have them worried about me and i dont want to spoil the mood. i also feel so alone in this world. as if no one is trustable anymore. i love my friends i really do. but i just feel i cant open up to anyone anymore. im slowly caving in on myself. im paranoid and hyper sensitive lately. i get irritated and want people around. im in the mood of trying something new. getting so high i cant feel anything at all. but then again what's the point in that. i want to talk to someone. i need a listener. im dying inside. i just want to scream and shout. i want to break glass and watch it shatter. i never ever in my life. felt so betrayed so crushed so deeply cut! until the point i lost trust in everything. even myself. i can feel my faith and hopes just drifting away. the lights are going out and im standing alone in a corner. i dont know what to do. im lost and it hurts. i dont need anyone's opinion on this. i know time will heal. dont say a word. its complicated enough. im drowning in my sorrows. and everyone is different. sometimes i just want to scream. all i know is i feel so low. never before i felt like this. i took - as a fling and 3 months later i fell for - but i didnt know that - slowly gave it. i wish i didnt do that cause in the end - left me without saying goodbye knowing how much it would hurt. i ended up loving - till today and that was my biggest mistake. a player got played. karma. i surrender.

part 2

so yeah... after last night things were painful and i felt really low...i hope my friends are right about what they said about rebounds and flings cause to me if it was a rebound or a fling it doesnt hurt at all..i guess i really fell for him...so now we're talking like best friends and i guess this is were the fullstop comes and we're friends and thats all.

unspoken.

before pd and during pd. everything seemed so right. so in place. you love me i love you kind of thing. then it all started falling apart when i got a phone call. my walls came tumbling down on me now im just sitting alone thinking to myself if i made a big mistake. i avoided and ignore. and completely wanted nothing to do with him. the phone just kept ringing. things got way complicated after the holidays and i just had to pull away. the night i said let go i was fine. but when i got off the phone regret written all over my face. i kept telling myself negative things that made me think negatively and made me feel anxious and irritated around him.i didnt bother giving it another shot cause i was too afraid of getting hurt. then the next day school was cold and awkward we didnt speak. later that evening we met and spoke about everything. what i didnt expect was to have myself turn to you and hug you and hold u like you been missing or something. it was fine at first things seemed like last night didnt happen. until we got to the park....to be continued...andrea is tired...

misery in disguise.

im sorry.

im sorry i had to be the one to put an end to something that could have been everything. i just couldnt go on. we're so different and things got in the way. i couldnt let go off the past and things just cant click. it hurts i know. im in pain in too. theres nothing more i could really say to make it all ok. its not that i dont love you but i just cant love you enough. and the feeling just faded with the thought of you hurting me like you did before. i just cant. but like i said. " doesnt matter what we become. its what we shared." im so sorry. but it hurts too much. i just cant type anymore. im sorry. will get back to it. i had an awesome time with u. you'll always be my snoopy and my best frriend.

push.

the more i know. the harder i try. the more it back fires on me and the more it hurts. the more i think about us. and how much i miss everything bout us. till this very moment i'm still in love you and i realized my mistakes and our little bits of regret. we had so many plans. so sure it was everything. but it was a part of growing up. but i can't get over the fact. you cheated and lied. every move i make. i'm afraid i might be falling for the wrong person and all the rush i had with you is rushing back to me. it hurts more. i can't. we had a perfect fairy tale. but it seems that, at the end of the tale you still said, “Goodbye”. it's killing me with every breathe i take.but im lost. in your eyes. my next step might be my biggest regret.

give 'em hell.

-you love me, i love you. but we're both into other things and other people. both realized our mistakes but there's no turning back. yes, it hurts, yes i miss you and our memories. it's like a "i love you but...".-

-he's always there for me. he's my punching bag when i'm angry and he's always understanding. i just wish i could do the same for him. but its hard to live with a broken heart and i can't move on till its done. but he's been so great to me." defense is still up."-

-friends. well we had some small issues. but she took it well and showed alot of maturity. we're all really happy and proud of her. we love you. friends always got your back. the real friends that is.-

-family. things could be better. but the war is over for now. so lets keep this up and see the progess.-

-the rest is still unwritten.-

is a confused teen. :)

the silly word call emotions.

SOCIETY CRISIS.

the world is changing. places are developing. society is getting more open minded. economy is progressing. but the people are falling back wards. THE SOCIETY'S LOSING GRIP! My car has been smashed by some idiots. I parked at this area and when i got back my car headlights, above it was smashed. and before this my front side bonnet was dented. scratches and dents. My friends friend's car was covered with dirt and underwear. as well as smashed with bricks. this is ridiculous. a progressing society they say. look at how uncivilized people are these days. another case was when someone's car was egged and the woman was forced to pull over as she couldnt see anything. outside her door was rempits waiting. scary. no one is safe. cab drivers are cheating their way by not using the meter. and tend to molest people. just last month there was a case. someone i knew through a friend was molested when paying the cab fee. the cab driver grabbed her chest and he returned the change. public transport is no longer safe for users anymore. people are getting molested in monorails and so on. just some time ago. a woman was standing behind a guy and he was rubbing his private park on her back. people are careless and losing their mind. road accidents. raping. killing. even vandalism. what is wrong with society. at such young age. girls are getting pregnant and throwing away babies. sex is one thing but precautions should be taken. its sad to see a developing world turn into such chaos. it is true destruction. it is also sad to see the world being so hipocritical and unlogical about life now days. God has become a history to many and no one cares about anything but themselves. for example. Micheal Jacksons passing was mourned and has devastated so many. but when he was alive. being mocked and looked down on. does it take a death for someone to realize and learn how to appreciate. i see people abusing animals. threating them with no emotion. ive seen people throw bricks and burning ciggarette buds at dogs as they walk pass. this is horrible. kicking kittens as they get in their way. imagine the horrible things you do to living things are done to you. how can someone be so cold hearted. there is no truth. no justice. nothing in society anymore. corruption and murders covered by other people. how is this! why is this! in the train. i saw this girl. teenager. as i looked at the old man standing with no balance and holding things. she just stared not even offering her seat. what is wrong with people! no morals. no heart. cold blooded. its sad to see. i am some one from this generation and i ask myself. how is people this cruel??? why?? is it the food we eat. the lifestyle we have. i see little boys at the park. they destroy the bee hive and get angry when stung. throwing kittens in the air like a ball. i see little girls and boys that act like hooligans! i cant imagine what the world will be 10 years from now. so many types of diseases attacking us. how do we live like this? tell me.

sad.

i feel like there's this timer in me. its going to go off anytime. i wouldnt even know when. things are complicated. friends are drifting apart and people change. i wish everyone could just get together and i just wish there was more time in a day cause there's just too much to do. i want my friends to be close to my heart. but things change. i talked to my dad after nearly 2 months. i want this family to work. but its damaged. i want everyone to just come together at a family dinner and say our appreciation. mum and dad's side. i want the people i love and loved to be part of me and not just fade away. i miss everyone and everything. ive had friends pass away and almost passed away. and this world is getting so hectic there's just no space to breathe anymore. i miss the times we shared. the memories. things have changed so much and drifting is my biggest enemy. the things we never known. or never will be. i just wish the world was peaceful and everyone would just be happy. like paradise it will never be on earth. diseases. crimes. suicides. lifestyle. nothing is perfect. i pains me to see. the world is falling apart. we're coming closer to the end of the world. we're coming closer to judgement day. MJ is gone. People are passing by before our eyes. world is evolving before our senses. and theres nothing that will stop from depleting. its sad and a depressing world. no matter what we make do. the lingering thoughts of my life and other peoples. the world infact. cruelty is so prone. love is fading. belief is diminishing. where are we now. no morals. no respect. no dignity. as lives slip away and dreams are crushed. i sit here wondering. how do people go by. day by day. without feeling remorse and emotion. walking by. seeing nothing but their greed. loving no one but themselves. "family. friends. love. life."

a good friend.

it took me a good friend to smile and laugh. a good friend to let me still my heart to. a good friend that will and has lifted me up through this hard past times. a good friend to be there with a promising laughter. i love you guys. thanks for lifting me up as the past few days were hell. yes, agree live life with pretty colours.

green boy <3

the words unspoken.

we both have changed the things we both we're forced to accept about each other because of love. we're both now what we both always wanted but its sad to know that the words unspoken you'd never hear me say. we're exactly what we need but the truth is we grew into a new path and there will be no turning back unless paths are crossed once again. its sad to see we changed but we're not getting back together. leaving everything emotionless.

Jay Chou - Tui Hou.

karma.

what goes around comes around. now you know what it feels like and how heart aching it can be. its all a part of growing up and out of our ignorance and open our heart and mind to a society with millions of different characters. the hardest part is making it stop. you really got to watch your step. do good things and good things will come back to you. despite that, everything happens for a reason and its a phase of life we have to face. but the most important part is, living everyday like it was your last. on a winters day a fire wont spark unless you make do of it. so stop waiting around. throw yourself out there and be all that you can ever be.

Wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni Shi ying wei wo tai ai ni.

walk away when you don't want to. i love you.

the break up.

so this is
what a broken heart feels like
to be spilled across the floor
you know he wont catch you
not this time
not anymore.

so this is
what it feels like
to be played and manipulated
to be betrayed and he wont come back
to fall from grace
build a wall so high
but he's the weakness
you fall.

wake up every morning
reminding yourself
it's a part of life
but you can't deny
its burning pain
you can't understand
how it all fell apart

so this is
what it feels like to regret
to miss someone
and love him
when he wont love you back
she points out the mistakes
as she makes the same
with him
but blind to see

now
you know it hurts
and you felt you could
do a little better
but you also know
he didn't give you
love and the respect

in fear
the phobia of loving
you're back at where you started
the girl in the past
but the break up hurt so bad
you just cant please the pain
then you sit on your bed
music to its loudest
crying to yourself

you're falling in love with someone
but you don't want to
afraid it might hurt
or happen all over again
you forget what's it like to smile
this new guy brings it back
but he's real
are you?

its been months
but you linger
you wont forget
then you remember
you tried
to save him from regret
but he's already gone

so this is
what it feels like to let go
for someone's happiness
it hurts
but its harder
when you don't know
how he is doing

you worry
you care
you wont say you love him
and you cant say it doesn't hurt
you lost yourself
but you know
i walked away
cause i had too
i didn't want to break up
but you forced us to it.

as i sit here
writing this letter
listening to the songs
which would bring memories
i know i have to take your words
and slowly walk away.

maybe one day
id turn back
and not cry
and the pain is gone
but till then
im afraid that
im still in love with you.

losing grip all over again

tell me.

love : [got my heart broken. then cheated on. then played.back to step 1.] - studies : [isn't prepared. lazy. uninterested.] - friends : [lose some. gained some. miss everything.] - myself : [complicated. stressed. miserable but smiling.] conclusion : [andreaa needs something new. something different.]

i miss everything.

the last few days of june.

well in the last few days of june i finished my amali and now am waiting for my L to come out then start driving. haven't been in school. i had a major melt down that day and ended up sitting on the roof with kelvin just spilling my heart out. now i know what a heart break feels like. had some really emotional talk and stuff but yeah everything's fine. went for dinner with rachel and meng hui as usual then just chilled and saw a really weird guy camwhoring on his own in starbucks. my friends been having some issues and ive been having some issues with friends to. all misunderstanding as usual but things are okay now. sometimes its just easier to let things cool off on its own. i felt a little hurt when my friend made it seem like i was going for the guy she likes. i would never do that, she's too much of a sister to me and i wouldnt have the heart to. but we're fine. smoked shisha till my head spun and played foosball that day after some time. had dinner with intan and chilled. basicly that. went shhopping with my mum to get some stuff. tmw going dinner with friends and passing up stupid assignments. friday will be clubbing. its been a long time and i need a few shots to calm my nerves. major. sarturday tuition then to curve with rachel to get some stuff then to Ck's bbq. not sure what else it planned but yeah hitting the books too. NOW WELCOME JULY!