love department.

my love life been so sucky since i broke up with my x. i just cant seem to make right choices. cant seem to think straight. i hurt my 2 best friends along the way when i was vulnerable. and 1 of my closest friend that i got super close to and had an unofficial thing going on. he told me there's two sides of a story its true. but he didnt bother to tell me. and i know my friends mean well and things just got complicated with the words being thrown around. i didnt mean to make you feel like a rebound. i didnt mean to make you feel like i used you. i just didnt know what to be around you at first cause you said we werent dating were just super close friends so i held back. i didnt know. i know you were trying to save our friendship. its abit too far out for that. and i know everything we been through ment so much to me. cause when i was around you i was happy. but things came tumbling in. and there's nothing my heart could do to resist. i never wanted to let go. but i got confused. there were days i wanted to just sit beside you and cry. i miss having you around. you always could make me laugh. but i still got carried away. i was being too blind to see that you cared. and me being so disappointed made me yell. i didnt mean to hurt you. i really didnt. you were the closest i been to a guy since my x. and i dont want us to not talk and i dont want us to not be friends. but its all so hard when so much has been said and done. im sorry. i loved you. but now im just lost. i guess i wasnt ready to start a new relationship. but i knew it hurt when you said be friends. i didnt want that. didnt want to lose you. so i forced love and it ended up hitting me back. thanks for being there for me when i needed you. i know i said hurtful things when i was mad. i just was too blinded by the pain to see what you were doing for me. and i know you cared and loved me. so did i. but somehow it all comes to a stop cause this is hard. maybe time will tell. now that im thinking about you and what we went through and how much this hurts. the thought of my x slips away. i know these days i been really down. because i missed you. other than that im fine. until the phone rings. until i see. everything is slowly slipping away and i will slowly be letting go of my x. and you. there's no way were going to be together now. this condition is killing love. its hard to walk away when your heart is lost. but i want you to know. i did love and care for you unconditionally. i just wasnt ready and things got in the way. to make it all more unstable. i loved you. but again im letting go. relationships never been so hard for me. this i fell in love and got my heart shattered on the floor. now everythings different.