your blood on my hands.

Recently, I been thinking I was so happy. So free. But then I took a step back and realized how much the past I have forgiven but can't forget anytime soon. There was at one point I caught him off the ground, bleeding. His blood on my hands. There's been a fight. And I could never bare to see him like that. I broke down with him. The phone rings, sometime after the break up. It was an old "friend" calling and asking for my x, lets just call him SK. I told him we were over and what ever problems and issues he had he should call SK or his girl friend. But my "friend" insisted to meet with me and talk. I was and am for sure, something is very wrong, and if not mistaken another fight will be around the corner. I don't know what to do. Talking to my friends, I realize why should I bother, its not my business anymore but it hurts and I don't want to see him hurt. Not like that. As we kept talking over lunch it occur to me that he just used me as a wall. Whatever fights a boyfriend gets into, one should never bring his girl friend. But he did. It's all starting over again. All the things I covered up for SK, I can't do it now. It's just not my say anymore. I hope he mans up and settle it himself. Cause I can't be settling his shit. Not anymore. I don't want to be the girl I use to be. The wild and doing dodgy things. But it's hard to change. I been living a wild life. I'm not like who I was back when I was younger and I am not who I am 4 years ago. All this mess has just made me lose myself along the way. I need to see the light. I know no one can help me fight the battle with my heart but myself.